I am so tired of everything being drudgery. Just something else to get through to try to get what I want. I work and I work and I work and it just seems like, no matter how hard I work, it's never quite enough. Something steps up and screws me over and I don't get what I want. Or what I want ends up being a big pain in the ass.
I just want this record done. I have been waiting for it for TWO YEARS. I have worked and slaved and sued people, and I am still getting yanked around... I just want it DONE already. I want to make videos of the songs! I want to sell my CDs to the world and have people love them without hearing, "Oh, the production sucks, so I can't comment on the songs" or, "You suck at singing, so I can't comment on the songs." All people are interested in is the PACKAGING. They are not interested in content. All they care about is how the songs are presented, not what they're saying.
When I wrote "The Cover," it was kind of a rant about how people look at me and go, "Oh, you have big boobs, so you're a slut," or, "You are blonde, so you are STUPID!" Like, judging a book by the cover, which was where the title came from, and the original lyrics said as much. Anyway, so, now I am thinking that it isn't just ME people judge with one glance, but EVERYTHING. Like, my songs. There aren't very many people outside my circle who really get what I am saying in my songs. There are MESSAGES there! They are not just pop fodder!
Anyway, that's what's on my mind. I am tired and need something to look forward to. Getting the CD done? It's not something to look forward to, 'cause, until I am holding the master tape in my hands and am getting it sent off to the replicator and packager, it isn't anywhere close to done.
No, what I mean is, I need something DEFINITE to look forward to, or this depression is going to tear me apart.
